I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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