can u get pink eye on your cock?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
