he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
