Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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