You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
