would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
