Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
