I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
