big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
