last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
