Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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