Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
