your room smells of hookers.
And success
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
