I think my vagina is haunted
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
