yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
