she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
