I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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