i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
