thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
