i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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