The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
