He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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