I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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