If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
