The beer is more important than you right now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
