drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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