I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
