she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
