Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
