Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
