So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
