Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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