We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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