You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
