she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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