I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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