if you like me you must not know who I am
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
