i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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