So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
