Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Duck Duck Cougar?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
