i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
