Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
