dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
