just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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