If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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