I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
