The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
