i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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