so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
