But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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