How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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