Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
MIDGETS
????
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
