Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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