You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
